For awhile, I left SBU and I
did not think I would be going on a semester abroad. God has brought
strong people into my life to challenge me and show me that I can do
extraordinary things when I live my life with courageous faith. My
heart no longer fears uncertainty, I embrace so much of the unknown.
I wish I was a better writer so I could express just how grateful I
feel to be freed from fear. I no longer worry about the future or
about so much that is out of my control. Don't get me wrong, I have
my moments. But the important part is to keep moving forward and to
not make decisions out of fear.
As
I sit and reevaluate the past two years here at Southwest Baptist
University, looking forward towards my last semester abroad in
Russia, I can see how my studies have helped me grow spiritually and
how community has helped most of all in my life. Personally, I have
grown so much, and have been challenged so much just living life in a
community with others. Living in community has helped me appreciate
being still and learning from God.
I've
always loved learning! I haven't always loved sharing my life with
others, and that is not something you can learn to love in a
classroom. I learned it many places, but I was
challenged by it at Echo Ranch Bible Camp. The
summer of 2010 and 2012 God gave me a community, a body of believers
to be a part of. In the vast wilderness of Alaska God opened my heart
to how much I needed Him, before anything else in my life. I formed a
strong relationship with God in Alaska, and I am thankful for that
time. My emotional development has been extremely impacted by Alaska.
I learned so much about my strength and weaknesses in the body of
Christ, and began to accept the person God made me to be for His
Kingdom.
I used to be such a doubtful person.
Always second-guessing myself. Always saying yes even when I wanted
to say no. Never really standing up for myself when it mattered. My
heart was thrown around in a sea of doubt, my feelings crashing
against beliefs. I would hear the truth, but often it would only be
words. It truly did not resonate in my heart.
I
was not even aware of how much my feelings guided
me, rather than God's promises to me. I was
struggling, but I did not admit it to anyone. That
first summer working at camp I broke down. I could no longer hide how
much I was struggling in my faith, because I was surrounded with a
loving community. God was pouring out His love and mercy on me
through His faithful and broken people.
God's Word was breaking through into my heart,
and the lies that I believed were truth were coming to the surface.
It was really hard, but it was sooo good! I cried
that summer more than I think I ever have, and the burdens I was
living with God was taking off my back. I was truly experiencing rest
in the Lord. The enemy's foothold in my life was becoming weaker and
weaker. I began to have a relationship with God, actually bringing my
problems to Him, instead of always relying on people.
One
of the main things I learned that summer was that emotions
are fickle. If you rely on feelings to always guide you, than your
thoughts and beliefs will be shaped by that. One should base
everything on God's Word and His promises to us,
not on fickle feelings. I also became aware of
how important community is in my life. God's word
became so alive to me, because I saw it alive in others. I was
challenged by their faith and encouraged. I began to sing Psalms with
my friend Erin. She showed me how God calls us to follow Him like
children: “At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who
is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” And calling to him a
child, he put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to
you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter
the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the
greatest in the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew
18:1-4). We were silly! We jumped around on the
beach like crazy ladies singing Psalms,
but it was so freeing. I felt like a child again,
because I was reading God's Word with new eyes. I was humbled by
God's sovereignty.
I
began writing verses that dealt with my struggles
on slips of paper. I would pull it out of my pocket and read it when
I needed a reminder. A woman named, Lynn, showed
me how easy it is to believe lies, but God has given us the truth in
His Word. Today, I still struggle with believing
lies and I think that just comes with being human. But I pray that I
do not stop seeking out the
Lord. I do not want to follow my voice. I want to follow God's voice.
I hope my heart during the worst of times and the best of times,
resonates with joy and thankfulness instead of pride. If anyone out
there is reading this, please pray that I would thirst for the Lord
everyday. We all struggle with sin, and I am no
exception. I want to be beautiful in the sight of my King, and not in
the sight of man. Through that, I hope that
others will be able to see what joy I have in the Lord.
I am looking forward to this semester abroad, because it won't all be in a classroom. We
will be sharing our lives with others and sharing the hope we have
found in Christ. What a privilege to share my faith with
the Russian people! Also, what a privilege I have to attend this university and
be a part of this program.
I promise the rest of my
posts will be more about life in Russia and my study abroad program,
so keep checking in if you're curious about either one!
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